English Anxiety

It has passed more than 2 months since I arrived here. But my English skill stays there where it used to be. I’m very nervous about that. I thought 2 months is enough to make my speaking fluent. But I was wrong… as a matter of fact, not at all. Some say I have enough time until I go back to Korea . So I can improve much while rest of the period. But I’m not sure. If the ability will be stable for 2months it means there’s no possibility to improve. Am I too negative?

My hobby is watching movies and reading books. I really hope I can do those things with English without unknowing or misunderstanding. ASAP. Jane said our days in Philippines will be one of the most important experiences in our life. So, I’m afraid of missing those things because of pressure about English. I know… I definitely know… What I don’t know is my problem. (Oh, what am I talking about?) Why am I so nervous? What makes me so fidget? I’m sure I have problem about anxiety.

As long as I try to study hard, believe myself, it will going to happen. But I can’t do that well. If I don’t do anything about English…just watching movie all day long, when I go to bed, it makes me very irritated. I feel I’m such a jerk. The reason I came here is to study, not to watch movies! Actually, I feel I should study very hard sitting on chair, in front of desk just as I’m inquiring into something serious. But still, that can’t help me at all, especially speaking skill. I don’t know what I should do. Wherever I think about my parents, I feel terribly sorry for them. They are sure I’ve improved much already. I’m afraid that I’ll just make them disappointed. I’m their pride, faith, hope and love. I really want to read English books, particularly classic perfectly. I hope the day soonest that it will be possible. I’ll ask my tutor regarding that thing.

“What I should do to improve my English skill.” But, before that, I should remember this first: “Believing in my ability that I can do everything that I want to attain and hope for, because I really have it.” So, don’t be afraid of imperceptible future. I can do it!!!

by: Natalia Ahram

( a diary- Thu, August 21, 2008 9:59:00 PM )